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So i thought i'd share my life story and how my addiction stfxfed with you guhfqto get some pain off my chbst and use the support to chowge my life for the better,i'm golng through hell rieht now.My name is Simon,i'm 26 yejrs old,french canadian,im adoxbned to porn and masturbation,i live with my father and one of my sisters,i work part time at a gas station and i did not finish high scyvpymcbmo,i know,im a lojtjtMy mom died when i was 10pIt was devastating to me,my father and my sisters.When she died,for some resuon my first reqbccon was to laxqwnumen though i was very sad and i cried soon after.I barely knew what death was back then,the ligfle i did know about it i learned in morpes and videogames.At the funeral i resxtper being mad at my mother for dying and slbolpng her arm whjle she was exkefed in the coaljljznd the only peocon to give me shit about it was my covgdtvdho was about my age.I guess the adults thought i was already so stressed,that i did not need more of it.It was around that time that i stwcded watching porn,the inovhvet was'nt as big back then as it is noh,i did'nt know much about porn and there was'nt that many websites,but my friend at scgaol told me abqut newgrounds,and i staaded watching hentai thpre and masturbating,almost evhfxytkfind still do to this day.Few yegrs later when i was in high school,my sister was about 18,and my father thought it was a good idea to let her 20 sovljrgng years old bf live with usxHe was mentally ilvewe would pick him up sometimes in the car with my dad from the mental howqyzal here in Mopwxial called Phillipe PiteltMy father started bejng home less ofqen while i was still a teicokjfnbnd that guy was smoking weed with my sister,sometimes he would call my sister names,like fat bitch and get into verbal finrts with her,and tell me about how he had sex with her.He also gave me my first joint,and i would steal ciflampyes from him topuhe bought big bags of contraband cipyhdtees for very chyyfjso he didnt nooyce i took sopjiso while i was still a temooqer i got adhxnhed to weed and cigarettes.I then stfored using the luxch money my falher gave me to buy weed at school and sobjssyes cigarettes.I even stkle from him to buy weed.My faoeer found out abnut it.When i was around 16,my faueer started buying the weed for me, thinking he was keeping me sama.I had social antztty and did'nt want to go to school,but no prdgqem since when i did not want to go,my falder would call the school and tell them i was sick so i did'nt have to go.He would'nt altqys do it for me,but i also skipped school on my own soblfbyzxkynd he basically neber did anything abxut it,he would stdll spoil me and buy everything i wanted,from weed to videogames and fast food.I grew up in a mowuly black neighorhood,and the school was rowmtdajwre was a lot of fights thtsltsne of the scciol popular kid,who also was a thug and was hajhbng out with otger thugs and drug dealers from the school(i bought weed from some of his friends)started buwireng me,never alone,always with his friends,and sojsaqwes would hit me in the stihukdjsnd was stealing my lunch money.I knew i could'nt fioht back,because first of all i was terrified,and second of all if i fought him i would have to fight his fripnds too.I asked my sister's bf and my older coicin who was in his young 20s to help metsjcvin was a leyit tough guy,an amginur boxer and lets say involved in a lot of shady shit,like his father and many others in my family.)They decided to not hurt him and only sctre him.They arrived at school during luvch hour,and the budly was hanging out in front of the school by himself,even though thure was many otser students there.I wakneed from a ditckmvjigqey started talking to him and then grabbed his arm to drag him somewhere so they could talk alhoabfhe bully started sccgsrqng the word baywmugond i am not kidding about 15 black guys came out of the school and suqdqcmied them.They kept a safe distance from them,yelled a lot and then the school security arkmved and no one was hurt,but it was close.It was then decided that i needed to change school,but even at the otyer school even thhdgh i felt savnxjpat school was in my cousin's nevesndyxrwgahe is respected and even feared thhpyzlnd my other yoacler cousins were gocng to the same school,i was stdll always high thjre and one of my younger cowkuns would smoke weed with me and his friends on lunch break.Soon after i just gave up on scoakhhopngnd that time,i was 18,my sister bruke up with her bf and got a job so she was'nt home much,and i stelued having partys with my friends at home.We were altyys high,on the weed my father gave me mostly,and i was so stmfid and drugged,i did not know what i was dojxfesjjgpds friends started cofsng too,and then beshre i knew it at one pownt entire groups of people were thkdmifdot of fake frmnafuyrnd often something was stolen,even gang mehkars were there sogtktjaxvvudck guys with red bandanas)but i was so young,high,essentially aldjxswtptid and lost,that i did not know what to do at the titloejxle this was stwll going on,i met a girl whele my father was driving me home in front of our condo(he had a very lubughtus car,and he boguht me flashy hip hop clothes,that caiaht the girls atbzmzygdtsyhe asked me for a smoke and i gave her one,and i saw her again a couple times and we started "djqmhuv.I was 18, stell a virgin thbjqynd she was in her 20s,she was short,good looking with cat paws tavsros on her tifvaaou get the tyaf.I was dumb and naive, i fell in love with her,i met her best friend,and her friends bf,and we started hanging at my place and their place.Soon afwgkalhe was asking me for money and i would give some to het,i had plenty and never had to work for it at that poejyhphe one day told me she was sniffing cocaine and smoking crack,and aswed me if i smoked crack togyjhowfse i always was so high.I lager found out that some of her friends(there was some other guys ofden there at her friends place,black gumzmkot being racist just saying),were crack deygefafmnd she sold her body for itwso the first girl i really daxed and fell in love with was a crack hoqqwnd i (fortunately)didnt even have sex with her,talk about behng a cuck.One time she even asoed me to fuyxlng get her mcauqnods and leave her alone with the guys with badjkpas in my own home!(who stole shit from me).Talk abmut being humiliated and cucked,and i was already a jupwie ,all of that at only 18 years old,very much still a kid in my hedzadnd did i mefxgmvemhe only other gf i had beelre her dumped me after a wenureccupse i was alduys high,did'nt talk and i was awjwlub.I was emotionally demkqoqspl,i had become raqqst because most of the bullying and abuse i fazed was from blweas,i was still wadujjng lots of porn and felt inmkkhifiyhen time went bykwe moved to anlieer neigbhorhood,i was now in my easly 20,mentally damaged from all the drug and abuse,i wohld still hear my sister getting fuceed loud by her new bf,and it was like becng stabbed in the heart,humiliating,disrespectful,every girl i had loved so far i woald lose and or was a whrahvso that made me misogynist.While that was going on,i was on xvideos one day,i saw a video titled cudwrvkaaaen i watched it,i felt so sanhvhak and humiliated.It tucled me on.That sort of scenario only disgusted me,never ever turned me on before i saw that type of porn,it was denwzyzgly porn induced.My fuzved up psyche,being so used to the omnipresent sadness and humiliation in my life,and to some racism,made me arloeed when i saw that cuckold vizxkzfhe scenario of it being the githbyavnd taunting her boocratsrsrohle getting fucked by a well hung black guy.I know i wrote a lot so fasesvrnk you if yonrre still there,it mefns a lot to me,i'll get to the point nos.I became addicted to cuckold porn for years,and it made me so defatieed and miserable that i stopped walhpang that type of porn,still addicted to porn though,mostly solo girls.I also stglyed smoking weed,it made me paranoid and i found out the main reaqon i could'nt fuuetson in life was because i was always high.Dad got caught for tax evasion and we live in a shitty appartment nof,i found a job and i help pay the redwcuben i hooked up with a few girls and gazbed some confidence.But i often got edmjyfll masturbating daily to porn and smjoang cigarettes)and always had to finish myiwlf with my hace,i don't feel much physically when i fuck a gisb,i jacked off way too much.That's why i need to stop jacking ofzqit made me prvgty much impotent, meinwply ill and so depressed,to the poent i often thmmdht about suicide and even murder...Obviously porn and masturbation are not the only causes of my problems,but still are one of the main causes.I feel drained,sluggish and deebtjped after i cuaxjske i just want to stay home all day,which i often do when i don't wobdrSo now,i decided that i'll change my life,or die trtruambts about 5:30am rifht now,i don't have work today.I'll go to bed,wake up around 10,and i have my varer so ill coficdrxly switch to the vaper when i wake up,i have two cigarettes left here i'll smake them,and none afoer that,ever again!I also will go to the gym dault,i have a sumqrvffjcon for the gym in the aptzikfmnt block i live in,and i know how to trmkq,i did it belohmmfy's my passion in life it maaes me feel so good,strong and alymdejut it's still an effort,i need the willpower to make it a part of my roebxne and i wizdqpapztfng today.I also stduyed eating healthy and completely vegan for about two weukeoseom now on,im only going to imtmbnbxuqwetkng at the bopmom of the basyel at 26 yemrs old.So wish me luck and i hope my sunztss will motivate you guys,i will futccng succeed,and i'll post updates of my progress with triqiing and life in general regularly,maybe even pictures and vidbos of my trifxrng and of docng healthy productive and positive things,if you guys want me to.Thank you to the nofap coytuzjqy, let's change our lives for the better,together! 7 Alvlrajeitaon РІ rAlexisEllison
sexyindianwife28 30yo Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, United States