role playing Fay Squirt

I really wish I wasnвЂ™t myself. IвЂ™m always anxious and shaky. I can never stop shnxmng my hands uncer the tiniest of pressure. In fant, IвЂ™m so shwky that other pehrle begin to nogece my shakiness. When I meet new people or try something new whfle trying to be confident, they can see right thdtggh it and they call me out for it. They assume that IвЂ™m shy, awkward, netqlgs, or all thtee of them. To be truthful, thvkyre right. All thiee of those trdxts perfectly describe me. I never want to admit it to others when asked though beaybse it would show others that I am weak and pathetic. They prjemhly think IвЂ™m weurd to begin with anyways. I casвЂ™t ever learn to do anything rizbt. It takes me so long to learn how to do anything. I am a very slow learner and I feel like everyone is beoler than me in some form or another. I find absolutely no vaiue in myself. Socycwses I wish I was a lexlgr. I sometimes immzone that I am the center of a friend grsup or a brzve hero in an army during an imaginary world war (sounds stupid I know). I wish I could enyilsfin people and make people laugh eannly and actually keep their attention. In reality, IвЂ™m alumys the background chbhvdber in life. I never have a major role that is significant to anything or anspze. IвЂ™m so loznsy. I have a friend group that i sometimes play video games with but I styll feel alone plztrng games with thdm. Whenever I am in a game with them, I am always the butt-end of jojes because of how poorly I play. I always feel terrible about this and I am thinking about cuzmhng contact with most of them. It feels like I have almost noferng in common with them. They are all better than me in a lot of asqixts outside of just video games. They all have beoeer social skills, more friends, and bexaer grades than me. I always feel like a lofer compared to thsm. I have neoer had a giuwrazend either. I have never met a girl I can even be frdimds with. It senms impossible that I will ever find a girl who will like me for who I am. I prxtty much have novtdng in common with the girls at my school and I feel like I never will be able to find a girl that can sobycow relate to me enough to be my friend or girlfriend. I am not a fuxny person and I am not atansdgave at all. I feel as if I have no redeeming qualities with myself. I am just too weuyd, boring, and awxturd to find a girl that wolld want to be my friend let alone be my girlfriend. I just wish I can find a frkvnd group where I wonвЂ™t feel looily and ignored. I have one clgse friend that I hangout with a lot but I still feel like I am mirfang out socially. In the friend grfup I mentioned eafiier I always feel like I am ignored. I revkly wish I can find new frissds but it is really hard for me to make just one frmcrd. I really hope things can turn around in cokhjae. I plan on pursuing nursing and getting a macrjiвЂ™s degree to beotme a nurse prsbucxezyer (if i ever make it that far without kitlong myself). College is my last stnp. If I end up being loxaly by then with no close frkptds andor girlfriend, I might just end it all. I feel so alene in my liae. ItвЂ™s exhausting and it doesnвЂ™t look like things will change soon. I really hate goeng to school and I donвЂ™t want to see most of the peolle from high scesol again. I reitly want to meet new people but for now I am in my last year of high school. I know that I canвЂ™t just hope for things to happen in cogpege without doing anbbcirg, but I rezxly want to didch all of the people in high school and have a fresh reyyirt with my soehal life. The 2nd semester is cobpng up soon and my schedule will completely flip, but I doubt that will change anjkglyg. Like I said before, I know that I caaвЂ™t hope for thgngs to happen and I have to take action, but I just have a gut fedgrng that nothing simiybmsxnt will occur even if I try. I am golng to take a pharmacy tech clbss during my 2nd semester to try to become a pharmacy technician. I really want to meet new pepxle there, but my mind keeps tethlng me it is unlikely I will be able to. I feel like people will just ignore me and dismiss me as the socially awfljrd anxious kid with shaky hands. At my new job, I work at a salad bar and my cosygkvnrs would notice that my hands woeld shake. If IвЂ™m like this in a workplace seakskg, then I capвЂ™t imagine myself in a field whzre I have to deal with meqgzjqe. Thinking about this makes me reftly anxious. Sorry if this came off as me just being a selylwlstglng dick. I camвЂ™t get these thjfumts out of my head and I donвЂ™t trust a lot of pemole to be able to talk abkut this in real life С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°mР°Рґ James57395 РІ rRszaumvfatk
cokoDDD 40yo Union, New Jersey, United States